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[M@sTeR-MinD]

Welcome to Sardar Mania
Sardar declares:

I will never marry in my life and

I'll give same advice to my children also

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sardar: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.

Jeeto: Yes darling I still do, only differnece is earlier it was 300ml

now it's 1.5 ltr.

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teacher: make a sentence in which 1 word repeated 4 times

sardar: lara dutta marries brian lara and she becomes lara lara

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Santa went to mysore palace.

Tourist guide - santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair

Santa - oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!..

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Sardar wanted to make a STD. call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call.

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One tourist from U.S.A. asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!

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Pathan sitting on the top of the mountain and studying.
When a person asked what he was doing?
He replied, Oye! higher studies yaar.

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2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1 Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1 Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.

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A sardar learning english introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
this is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& She is my kidney.

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Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You r nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent my wife with him.

[M@sTeR-MinD]

Before and After Marriage Actions
BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!!

John: Ah..At last. I can hardly wait!
Jane: Do you want me to leave?
John: No! dont' even think about it
Jane: Do you love me?
John: Of Course! Always did and always will
Jane: Have you ever cheated on me?
John: No!Why are you even asking?
Jane: Will you kiss me?
John: Every chance I get!
Jane: Will you hit me?
John: Hell no! Are you crazy?
Jane: Can I trust you?
John: Yes
Jane: Darling

AFTER MARRIAGE!!!

Read from the Bottom back to Top.

[M@sTeR-MinD]

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.
Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.
Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.
Grandpa (the 1st boss ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.
Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.
Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.
Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.
Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.
Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

[M@sTeR-MinD]

een Dost Tha
Phela Pathan
Dusra Panjabi Or
Tesra Memon
Ramzan Ka Mahina Tha
Dostoo Na Bolaa Ka Yar Zakat Dana Ha
Too App Log Kasa Daite Ho
Too Phela Dost Pathan Bola:
Ka Hum Khali Maidan Ma Ja Kar Gol Daira
Banataa Ha Or
Asman Ma Paisa Uchalta Ha
Joo Paisa Daira Ka Bhair Jata Ha
Woo Zakat Kartta Ha
Or Joo Andar Houta Ha Woo Humara Houta Ha
Phir Punjabi Na Bola:
Ka Hum Aik Lakir Kachtta Ha
Or Paisa Uchalta Ha Joo Paisa
Left Hand Par Jatta Ha
Woo Zakat Karta Ha Or
Joo Right Hand Par Woo Humara
Phir Memon Dost Sa Poucha Ka Woo Kasa Karta Ha
Too Memon Ne Kaha:
Astag-Firullah App Log Assay Zakat Kartay Ho
Yea Lakir Fakir Keya Ha
Hum Khali Maidan Ma Jatta Ha
Or Paisay Asman Ma Uchalta Ha
Joo Paisa Asman Ma Gheya Woo Zakat Ka
Or Joo Paisa Necha Aaya Woo Humara

[M@sTeR-MinD]

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldnt find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now youre cheating on me with a bald woman!"

The next night, when she didnt smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "Shes not only bald, but shes too cheap to buy any perfume!

[M@sTeR-MinD]

Truly Stupid

A man buys a brand new Grand Cherokee for $30,000+, and has $400.00+ in monthly payments. He's pretty proud of this rig and gets ahold of his friend to do some male bonding with the new ride. They go duck hunting and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two Atomic Brains go to the lake with their guns, the ***, the beer and of course the new vehicle.

They drive out onto the ice. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area to attract ducks - something the decoys will float on.

Remember it's all ice, and in order to make a hole large enough to interest a flock of ducks - a hole big enough to entice ducks to land, they needed to use a little more than an ice hole drill...

Sooo, out of the back of the brand-new Jeep Grand Cherokee comes a stick of dynamite with a short 40-second fuse. Now to their credit, these two rocket scientists DID take into consideration that if they placed the stick of dynamite on the ice at a location far from where they (and the new Grand Cherokee) would be waiting and ran back quickly, they would risk slipping on the ice as they ran from the imminent explosion and could possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast. After a little deliberation, they come up with lighting and THROWING the dynamite, which is what they end up doing.

Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the beer, the guns AND THE ***???? Yes, the ***. The driver's pet Black Lab (used for retrieving - especially things thrown by the owner). You guessed it, the *** takes off at a high rate of ***gy speed on the ice, reaching the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the time it hits the ice - all to the woe of the two idiots which are now yelling, stomping, waving arms and wondering what the hell to do now...

The *** is happy and now heads back toward the "hunters" with the stick of dynamite. I think we all can picture the ever-increasing concern on the part of the brain trust, as the loyal Labrador Retriever approaches. The Bozos now are REALLY waving their arms - yelling even louder and generally feeling kinda panicked... Now finally one of the guys decides to think - something that neither had done before this moment, grabs a shotgun and shoots the ***. This sounds better than it really is, because the shotgun was loaded with #8 duck shot and hardly effective enough to stop a Black Lab. The *** DID stop for a moment, slightly confused, but then continued on. Another shot, and this time the *** - still standing, became REALLY confused & of course scared...

Thinking that these two Nobel Prize Winners have gone TOTALLY INSANE, the pooch takes off to find cover with a now extremely short fuse still burning on the stick of dynamite. The cover the ***s finds? Underneath the brand new Grand Cherokee worth 30-some thousand dollars the $400.00+ monthly payment vehicle that is sitting nearby on the lake ice.

BOOM! *** dies, vehicle sinks to bottom of lake, and these two "Co-Leaders of the Known Universe" are left standing there with this "I can't EVEN believe this happened to me" look on their faces. Later, the owner of the vehicle calls his insurance company and is promptly informed that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of explosives is NOT covered on his policy...He had yet to make his first car payment.

[M@sTeR-MinD]

10 advantages of not having a lover
1.save time.
2. Can sleep well.
3. Dont hav 2 bother abt missed calls
4. Dont hav to worry abt how u look
5. Can eat in any restaurant
6. No boring sms in the middle of night
7. Can talk with all boys
8. U wont hear aaw u r dull today.
9. Can go anywhere with any one
10. Dont hav 2 listen same old crap jokes?
Bonus: - u will live a long life.
So be aware of lover

[M@sTeR-MinD]

~ MY SECRET OF SUCCESS ~

1: Kabhi top na karo verna log tum se jallney laggen gen.

2: Humesha late class mein jao is tarah har teacher tumhein yaad rakhe ga.

3: Agar cheating ka chance ho to kabhi parh kar na jao.

4: Ziyada parhney se time zaya hota hai aur time zaya karna gunah hai.

5: Kabhi viva na do Kyun Ke beizzati ke Do(2) number se izzat ke Zero(0) ache.

~BEST OF LUCk~ ~~

[M@sTeR-MinD]

Yeh student ki pehchan hai.
Hath mein cigret mun me pan hai.
Mashoor ye shetan hai.
Yeh student ki pehchan hai.

Parhna isay ata nhi,
Class me kabi jata nai,
Canteen iski jan hai,
Yeh student ki pehchan hai.

Jalso me sab se agay hai,
Naaro me sab se agay hai,
Imtehan me naqal iski aan hai,
Yeh student ki pehchan hai.

Larkio k pichay para hai,
Jo larki ghusa ho jaye zara,
Tab yeh uska banta bhai jan hai,
Yeh student ki pehchan hai.

[M@sTeR-MinD]

Sardar g ne job k liye apply kia. Jawab aya to khushi mein 1 Grand party ker dali. Doston ne fermaish ki k apointmnt lettr dikhao.
Sardar: Ay English ich hy mein tuhanu tarjma kr k dasda haan

"Dear Banta Singh"

Pyare Banta Singh

"You Do not meet"

Tussi te milday hi nai

"our requirements"

Sadi zrurat ho tusi

"no further corspondnce.."

Hun hore chitti di lorr nai, jaldi naal aa jao

"will b entertained"

Twadi boht khatir kiti javay gi.

[M@sTeR-MinD]

A letter from a sardarni mother to her son.
My dear Jagjit,
I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there.I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20miles.

I won't be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I'm not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love -
Mom. P.S.:
Jagjit,

[M@sTeR-MinD]

You'll forget your English by the time you finish reading this.
This is a true essay written by a CSS candidate at the CSS Exam held in year 2002-2003 in Islamabad . The candidate has written an essay on Cow:

"COW"

He is the cow. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed. And because he is female, he gives milks, [but will do so when he is got child.]. He is same like-God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man. But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards. His whole body can be utilized for use. More so the milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [horses don't have any such attachment]

What can it do? Various ghee, butter, cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, water mans and mankind generally. His motion is slow only because he is of lazy species. Also his other motion. {gober} is much useful to trees, plants as well as for making flat cakes [like Pizza], in hand, and drying in the sun.

Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding after eating. Then afterwards he chews with his teeth that are situated in the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass. His only attacking and defending organ is the horns, specially so when he is got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great velocity forwards. He has got tails also, situated in the backyard, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which alight on his cohesive body here upon he gives hit with it. The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts. His eyes and nose are like his other relatives.
This is the cow.

[M@sTeR-MinD]

a man with a gun goes in to a bank & demands money.


He turns to a customer & asks did u see me robbing this bank?


The man replied :yes i did"


the robber kills him instantly.


He then turns to a couple standing next to him & asks the man:


Did u see robbing this bank?


The man replies "no i did not, but my wife did.....

[M@sTeR-MinD]

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window", he asks the shop asistant.

In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. "

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others

"Thats obvious," the asistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Kens house, Kens car, Kens boat, Kens furniture... "