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12-03-2008, 08:45 PM
It's amazing, but the fairy tale came true for me. I had said that I didn't have a next door neighbor like my coworker's dad had, and would never meet my future husband like it happened to them. I had thought that so romantic and rare, but although Vern lived five houses away, he did live behind my house, and that's close enough for me. It was hard to believe, except for the fact that God works in strange ways His wonders to perform.
It's possible to two people of our age (Vern is four years older than I am) to fall head over heels in love, and feel all of the giddy feelings that anyone younger feels. Only it's better because we can appreciate it more and not take life for granted. I'll admit that we had our share of problems -- not us, but problems with some of his family thinking it was too soon for him to have found someone else. His daughter, who had even told him once before we ever got together that I would be good for him, felt differently when it happened. It was understandable because it did happen rather soon after his being widowed. But because we were as old as we were, and because we had gone though what we had gone through, and because we were two educated, intelligent people who discussed everything thoroughly, we knew what we were doing. I knew I had waited long enough and was ready - it had been five years for me before meeting him again, and he finally convinced me that he was ready, too. We both did a lot of healing even after we had declared our love. I learned that my final healing took place in a safe, loving relationship.
Was the psychic right? Not literally. He came into my life five years after the divorce, not five years after my reading. But he accepted me as I was, and he fell in love with the inner me.
We waited over a year to get married. We wanted his daughter, who was married in March, to have her wedding and be the center of attention first. We didn't want to take any joy from her by getting married before she did. Besides, we wanted to wait to really get to know each other even better. In DRW, we learned that you need to at least go through all of the seasons and holidays with a person before marriage.
Our feelings continued to grow stronger and stronger.
We were married in June of 1997. We had a small church wedding and a nice reception, and invited all of our friends and relatives. All three of our children took part in the ceremony... Sandy, my daughter, was my matron of honor, and my son, Davy, walked me down the aisle. Kim, along with Davy, lit the candles. Vern would have settled for a justice of the peace and just the two of us, but he wanted me to be happy, so he supported me with the wedding. I insisted that he help me plan, but he just said, "Anything that makes you happy," and went along with all of my plans. I even had a harpist to play for the ceremony, which made everything perfect!
And that's why I love him. He is so good to me and for me! I now look back on my first marriage and, although I loved my first husband very much (and I know he loved me for a time - who knows when he stopped), I realize that things were not this good between us. As the years passed, we had too much conflict. Life was too difficult, and I couldn't see it until it was all over and I could compare it with the a good relationship I have with Vern.
As part of our wedding ceremony, a friend read "On His Plan for Our Life", which epitomizes the story of our love. Please click on the link and read it... it is very moving, and will be truly meaningful to anyone who has walked in my shoes. After you read it, you will understand why I know that Vern is the answer to my very personal prayers. Although Vern said he never thought about remarrying after his wife died, he is glad God answered my prayers. I told him that he hadn't been single long enough to get truly lonely, especially when Kim still lived at home. And, because he had a happy marriage, he didn't have the fears that I once had about rejection, or getting married again. So, after he fell in love with me, he didn't want to live without me. Besides, you always hear about men getting married soon after their wives die. It happens a lot.
Fairy tales and dreams can come true. I never thought I could be as happy as I am with Vern. He has the calm strength that I need to balance my insecurities, and the laid back personality to balance my being up tight about things that upset me. He doesn't worry about the little things that I worry about, and he is so accepting of my bad and well as my good qualities. His sense of humor adds something my first marriage never had. He loves me unconditionally; I didn't have that before. He supports me wholeheartedly. He laughs at me when I stew about little things, and lets me be me. He is happy that I allow him to be who he is. He says I give him what he needs, too. I no longer feel that I have to try to be perfect. We have a fantastic mutual admiration society!
We both cherish each other and our love. Before this, I used to think that those "good" marriages in books and movies were too good to be true -- that there was really no such thing. Now I know that it is possible to have a really good and supportive marriage - one in which both people are happy and there is no strife. Good relationships are based on mutual trust, respect, common interests and values, acceptance, wonder, appreciation, and a true, abiding love. Ours has those ingredients.
There is no doubt in my mind that we will live "Happily Ever After." Life is good. We feel God meant us for each other, and we just had to wait for the right time, when we were both ready, for God to put us together.
Now, about those psychic predictions:
Do I believe in psychics, card readers, palm readers and horoscopes? I don't know. I don't not believe, but I wouldn't base my every action on them. I think that God created the universe, including the stars and the moon, on which some people base their readings. My psychic certainly served her purpose. I believe that things happen in our lives for a reason. I was led to her for a reason. I believe that God was always looking out for me and working in my life. Looking back, I can see what her purpose was. She gave me hope. She let me feel better about myself. She gave me a carrot to dangle in front of my nose, letting me relax and not worry about being alone for the rest of my life. She let me know that there would be someone to love me for myself... me, the way I was then and am now. I didn't have to change to please anyone. I had spent my entire married life trying to please a critical husband. She said that someone would come into my life in five years who would love me unconditionally. While she wasn't accurate in that I would have to wait for five years, he did come into my life one month short of the five years after my husband had left me. She also told me that I would live a long and happy life and that my next marriage would last a very long time. Those predictions seem to have come true.
Did I write that book? No, but I became a freelance journalist/photographer several years into our marriage for our local Knight-Ridder newspaper and earned money from that. I also did some freelance work for a magazine. I have written some web pages on divorce that seem to have helped a number of people, based on my e-mail. I guess you could say I'm published on the web, although I don't make money from it.
Before the psychic, as with many divorced women, I had been extremely worried about being able to make it on my salary alone, The psychic had urged me to write and become involved in making myself content, and she assured me that my income would improve even by the end of the year. It didn't, but it slowly increased, and now I am comfortable enough financially that even that prediction has come true in a way. I earn extra money from my newspaper articles and photos, and I sell and license my photography. Who knows? I may still write that book. I feel that it is needed. I want it to be a book on recovering from divorce in mid-life. I just seem to stay busy with my art and photography and enjoying life, so it's going to take a concerted effort to finish it.
If you were divorced or widowed at mid-life, don't be discouraged. Work hard at overcoming your grief. Attend a good support group and work through the pain. Get therapy if you are depressed, or if you have issues you need to work through. Many times childhood issues or family of origin issues surface when you are going through a divorce. Work on yourself and become the person you would like to be. Become like the person you would like to marry, for we tend to attract people of similar emotional healthiness. Make a good life for yourself. Surround yourself with good, supportive friends. Then let God be in charge of finding the right one for you.
He will when the time is right.
Postscript
Vern and I have now celebrated our 5th anniversary.
We continue to feel blessed that we are so happy together. We have such a comfortable relationship... one that is free from strife. It is full of appreciation for each other. We now have a grandchild whom we both adore, and have entered into a new phase of life.
Oh, we have a few disagreements now and then, and each of us has to accept little idiosyncrasies from the other, but basically we have a good, strong marriage. We hope that God will allow us to spend many more years together.
More...
Vern and I have now celebrated our 8th anniversary. We are now both retired, and are both involved in the arts - I paint and do photography, and he has taken up pottery and is getting quite good. We have a grandson from his daughter, and delight in him.
Life is good.
Below are some links which may be of help and comfort to those of you who have gone through a death or a divorce. Please feel free to read them and pass the information on to anyone you think it might help.
It's possible to two people of our age (Vern is four years older than I am) to fall head over heels in love, and feel all of the giddy feelings that anyone younger feels. Only it's better because we can appreciate it more and not take life for granted. I'll admit that we had our share of problems -- not us, but problems with some of his family thinking it was too soon for him to have found someone else. His daughter, who had even told him once before we ever got together that I would be good for him, felt differently when it happened. It was understandable because it did happen rather soon after his being widowed. But because we were as old as we were, and because we had gone though what we had gone through, and because we were two educated, intelligent people who discussed everything thoroughly, we knew what we were doing. I knew I had waited long enough and was ready - it had been five years for me before meeting him again, and he finally convinced me that he was ready, too. We both did a lot of healing even after we had declared our love. I learned that my final healing took place in a safe, loving relationship.
Was the psychic right? Not literally. He came into my life five years after the divorce, not five years after my reading. But he accepted me as I was, and he fell in love with the inner me.
We waited over a year to get married. We wanted his daughter, who was married in March, to have her wedding and be the center of attention first. We didn't want to take any joy from her by getting married before she did. Besides, we wanted to wait to really get to know each other even better. In DRW, we learned that you need to at least go through all of the seasons and holidays with a person before marriage.
Our feelings continued to grow stronger and stronger.
We were married in June of 1997. We had a small church wedding and a nice reception, and invited all of our friends and relatives. All three of our children took part in the ceremony... Sandy, my daughter, was my matron of honor, and my son, Davy, walked me down the aisle. Kim, along with Davy, lit the candles. Vern would have settled for a justice of the peace and just the two of us, but he wanted me to be happy, so he supported me with the wedding. I insisted that he help me plan, but he just said, "Anything that makes you happy," and went along with all of my plans. I even had a harpist to play for the ceremony, which made everything perfect!
And that's why I love him. He is so good to me and for me! I now look back on my first marriage and, although I loved my first husband very much (and I know he loved me for a time - who knows when he stopped), I realize that things were not this good between us. As the years passed, we had too much conflict. Life was too difficult, and I couldn't see it until it was all over and I could compare it with the a good relationship I have with Vern.
As part of our wedding ceremony, a friend read "On His Plan for Our Life", which epitomizes the story of our love. Please click on the link and read it... it is very moving, and will be truly meaningful to anyone who has walked in my shoes. After you read it, you will understand why I know that Vern is the answer to my very personal prayers. Although Vern said he never thought about remarrying after his wife died, he is glad God answered my prayers. I told him that he hadn't been single long enough to get truly lonely, especially when Kim still lived at home. And, because he had a happy marriage, he didn't have the fears that I once had about rejection, or getting married again. So, after he fell in love with me, he didn't want to live without me. Besides, you always hear about men getting married soon after their wives die. It happens a lot.
Fairy tales and dreams can come true. I never thought I could be as happy as I am with Vern. He has the calm strength that I need to balance my insecurities, and the laid back personality to balance my being up tight about things that upset me. He doesn't worry about the little things that I worry about, and he is so accepting of my bad and well as my good qualities. His sense of humor adds something my first marriage never had. He loves me unconditionally; I didn't have that before. He supports me wholeheartedly. He laughs at me when I stew about little things, and lets me be me. He is happy that I allow him to be who he is. He says I give him what he needs, too. I no longer feel that I have to try to be perfect. We have a fantastic mutual admiration society!
We both cherish each other and our love. Before this, I used to think that those "good" marriages in books and movies were too good to be true -- that there was really no such thing. Now I know that it is possible to have a really good and supportive marriage - one in which both people are happy and there is no strife. Good relationships are based on mutual trust, respect, common interests and values, acceptance, wonder, appreciation, and a true, abiding love. Ours has those ingredients.
There is no doubt in my mind that we will live "Happily Ever After." Life is good. We feel God meant us for each other, and we just had to wait for the right time, when we were both ready, for God to put us together.
Now, about those psychic predictions:
Do I believe in psychics, card readers, palm readers and horoscopes? I don't know. I don't not believe, but I wouldn't base my every action on them. I think that God created the universe, including the stars and the moon, on which some people base their readings. My psychic certainly served her purpose. I believe that things happen in our lives for a reason. I was led to her for a reason. I believe that God was always looking out for me and working in my life. Looking back, I can see what her purpose was. She gave me hope. She let me feel better about myself. She gave me a carrot to dangle in front of my nose, letting me relax and not worry about being alone for the rest of my life. She let me know that there would be someone to love me for myself... me, the way I was then and am now. I didn't have to change to please anyone. I had spent my entire married life trying to please a critical husband. She said that someone would come into my life in five years who would love me unconditionally. While she wasn't accurate in that I would have to wait for five years, he did come into my life one month short of the five years after my husband had left me. She also told me that I would live a long and happy life and that my next marriage would last a very long time. Those predictions seem to have come true.
Did I write that book? No, but I became a freelance journalist/photographer several years into our marriage for our local Knight-Ridder newspaper and earned money from that. I also did some freelance work for a magazine. I have written some web pages on divorce that seem to have helped a number of people, based on my e-mail. I guess you could say I'm published on the web, although I don't make money from it.
Before the psychic, as with many divorced women, I had been extremely worried about being able to make it on my salary alone, The psychic had urged me to write and become involved in making myself content, and she assured me that my income would improve even by the end of the year. It didn't, but it slowly increased, and now I am comfortable enough financially that even that prediction has come true in a way. I earn extra money from my newspaper articles and photos, and I sell and license my photography. Who knows? I may still write that book. I feel that it is needed. I want it to be a book on recovering from divorce in mid-life. I just seem to stay busy with my art and photography and enjoying life, so it's going to take a concerted effort to finish it.
If you were divorced or widowed at mid-life, don't be discouraged. Work hard at overcoming your grief. Attend a good support group and work through the pain. Get therapy if you are depressed, or if you have issues you need to work through. Many times childhood issues or family of origin issues surface when you are going through a divorce. Work on yourself and become the person you would like to be. Become like the person you would like to marry, for we tend to attract people of similar emotional healthiness. Make a good life for yourself. Surround yourself with good, supportive friends. Then let God be in charge of finding the right one for you.
He will when the time is right.
Postscript
Vern and I have now celebrated our 5th anniversary.
We continue to feel blessed that we are so happy together. We have such a comfortable relationship... one that is free from strife. It is full of appreciation for each other. We now have a grandchild whom we both adore, and have entered into a new phase of life.
Oh, we have a few disagreements now and then, and each of us has to accept little idiosyncrasies from the other, but basically we have a good, strong marriage. We hope that God will allow us to spend many more years together.
More...
Vern and I have now celebrated our 8th anniversary. We are now both retired, and are both involved in the arts - I paint and do photography, and he has taken up pottery and is getting quite good. We have a grandson from his daughter, and delight in him.
Life is good.
Below are some links which may be of help and comfort to those of you who have gone through a death or a divorce. Please feel free to read them and pass the information on to anyone you think it might help.